hey again,

well today was a boring day all together.  My grandmother woke me up around 10 but i was still tired and got up anyways.  I came down on the computer and didn't do shit but sit here and look at different websites.  Then i got up and did some tie boe (which doesn't feel like its helping) and then went to work.  Boring ass work!!!  I wish i could just quit but imma stick it out b/c i only have a month and a half before i have to drag my butt back to school.  Im so tired its not even funny but i gotta wake up tomm and do it all over again.  So tell me why it is that even if i stop eating all the foods i love (starches) i still gain weight.  Well i stayed the same and i try so hard to lose it.  It just don't make sense to me.  I still today think i look fat again for some reason.  I have my bad days and my good days but i guess today was one of the bad ones b/c i was down on myself all damn day.  I know eveyone is telling me to keep my hopes up and stuff but how can i when i don't see no change at all.  Im about to stop looking in the mirror sometimes b/c im sick of what i look like and when i look i feel even worse about myself which is horrible. I need to start thinking more positive but i just cant.  In my other letter i wrote about guys not likeing me, but this ain't even about guys its about the way i feel about myself.  I hate it.  I need to start waking up in the morning and telling myself its going to be a good day and that im not going to think negative today.  Maybe ill try that and see what happens.  Well that is it for now ...im done complaining about my boring life.  ttyl and thankx for listening...muahz